How Are you Doing?

How are you doing? What a loaded question these days. I’m hyper exhausted, drunkenly amused, scared, ambivalent and in love all throughout my day.

Last night I beat Scott at Uno *FIVE* times in a row. It was legendary. We laughed until we cried when I threw down a ‘reverse card’, followed by a ‘draw two’, followed by a ‘wild + 4’ card for the 3rd time in a row. Here- a moment of amusement.

When I drive the girls 20 minutes out of the way to go to a lovely, but high maintenance outdoor school twice a week, I listen to NPR and feel like I’m a character in a doomsday movie. Nothing is going right. There is a commercial for a podcast where the host begins with a tantalizing hook explaining how the sewers in Tijuana now smell like death instead of shit. How does anyone have the capacity to hold this information? Where do we put thoughts such as this when we are also carrying around neurotic to-do lists like,

• wash masks on gentle

• call principle re: distance learning 2021

• slumber pod for pacnplay???

Everyone seems to be asking now not “What do we do?” but “How did we get here?”

In the morning, after a terrible sleep (the baby is sleep trained without actually being sleep trained) small, tiny feet wander in to our room in the dark and a warm body crawls into bed. I think, “I love you” and “I might die.”

How am I doing? At the end of the day the hardest and most amazing thing is that when someone around here says “Mama” it’s me.