Baja Baby

One year ago we made our “Baja Baby”, now officially known as Hollister. I once heard someone say they love the product and hate the process and I immediately thought of pregnancy. Of course, that process was important too. Once she was born we had two weeks of bliss before stumbling into health woes, not unlike most everyone else this winter. Costa’s seizure was followed by coughs, ear infections, mastitis and an out of left field autoimmune diagnosis. More “process”.

New chapters take time to start and there is beauty in the first steps, but that’s hard to see when you’re staring at the ceiling at 4 a.m. wondering what happened to the version of yourself whose worries once included thigh gap and lunch money. All this is to say, I really needed a vacation. As I told my sister in law, I just wanted to enjoy my kids instead of worrying about them. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

And then there we were. In the middle of the sea and everything that the last year was- a gigantic 2,000 piece puzzle that’s mostly sky and grass pieces that we never thought we’d finish- had finally come together. I sent extra love to my family as I watched them that week. Love, floating to each of them like little invisible paper airplanes. Like all the love that was sent to me that helped me get through. Thank you.

Sometimes motherhood feels like looking for a runaway truck stop. Sometimes it’s a new baby dozing peacefully in your chest sweat on a deserted beach. I would chose it every day.