Since September // Maddie's Cancer Story : Chapter 2
The night I found out the news of my diagnosis, I ruminated about everything you could imagine when you find out you have cancer. What if it has spread to my organs? Will I have to do chemotherapy? What do I do about my job, my apartment, my life in Los Angeles? How will this affect my family, my friends, my boyfriend? Then I thought about the sequence of events that led me to finding out this news. What if I didn’t go to my colonoscopy because I didn’t want to miss work? What if I didn’t have that hemorrhoid to signal the doctors to further inspect me? But the most concerning thought that I stewed upon for hours…what if I die? What if my life is taken from me and this is the moment that commences it all coming to an end? Shit, that’s dark.I felt such a lack of control in the matter, but to assuage my morbid introspection, I did what most people would do, and tried to find romantic comedies on Netflix. I watched My Best Friend’s Wedding, cause I love me some 1990’s Julia Roberts. I finally fell asleep (thanks, Julia) and haven’t really questioned my mortality since. Maybe because I convinced myself that night that despite this horrible thing happening, I have to get through this and be OK. There's no other option.The next few weeks were a blur. They scheduled my surgery a week and a half after my colonoscopy because they wanted to act as fast as possible. I’m going to summarize each key event briefly, because even I can’t believe the following events took place in a little over a month’s time.Week 1