There has been good swell and hot weather all week and I’ve been watching from the beach or cliff. In true Endless Summer fashion most people were sure to tell me I “shoulda been here yesterday” once I paddled out.
There are many things that are hard about motherhood that I wasn’t expecting–least of which was having bad hair days for over a year and probably most of which was trying to find myself again once my identity shifted, even though I’ve meant to and wanted to be a mother forever; even though I miss Sprout when I’m surfing and when she’s sleeping.
On this wave there was a guy behind me, a guy who just got dropped in on by my friend Mike M. on another good wave. I didn’t think he’d make the section, but he was fast on his retro fish. When we kicked out he gave me a big thumbs up and called over the sound of the waves and wind, “You were ripping!” I was shocked (and sorry and oddly validated).
I know I don’t get to surf as much as I used to. Sometimes that even comes out to the psychologist I occasionally see, but I enjoy it more too (I mean it). I notice more now like how the cold water actually feels good and makes your heart beat slower so you can focus on just one thing; that a friend has grown a weird beard or gotten a new board with a black stringer. To notice that you’re actually excited that your life has changed.