|I should mention my mom helped me dig this out of the trash because I wanted to keep it|
This weekend I spent a bit of time thinking about the future, which is a change for me as I usually spend a fair amount of time reflecting on the past. As sad as I am to say goodbye to my current job, my excitement for new opportunities is growing all the time. What if I could write for the newspaper? Be an extra in a Hollywood movie! HELP ASTRONAUTS BUILD A SPACESHIP! (ok, only some of these things are realistic).
On Saturday I drafted an email to a family potentially looking for help with their preschooler. When I had finished, I asked Scott what I should put as the email subject. He said “Call it ‘Children Make Great Foot Rests”. I went with “Potential Nanny Position”. He’s a funny one, that Scott. Later that day he took some photos of me surfing and messed with different camera settings. Then we went home and ate a bunch of popcorn.
On Sunday I woke up a little more melancholy than the day before. Following these dreams of mine hasn’t exactly been easy, especially not lately. I had to fight off more potential dream-related bad news that arrived in the form of a phone call on Thursday and by Sunday I was feeling discouraged. In the middle of all of this, I found myself sitting in church for the first time in months. And while I’m certainly not about to preach to you about anything, something the priest said stuck with me. You know that (kind of creepy) prayer “If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take…”? Well the priest started saying it “If I wake before I die” and while I was worrying he was having a senior moment of sorts he proved me entirely wrong. He explained “that is my greatest wish for you–to wake before you die; to live a great and beautiful life full of awakening moments.” And that really stayed with me. I think I’m hungry for more awakening moments and I hope whatever I find in the future will bring them.
Sunday night we went to my parent’s house to eat Chinese food and watch the finale of Breaking Bad with the whole gang (all I can say about the ending is wow). My fortune cookie told me Happier days are definitely ahead for you. Struggle has ended. I believe some of this is true and some of it isn’t. Life is a never ending struggle of sorts, doesn’t it seem? I think that’s what makes it worthwhile. But I do believe happier days are always ahead. And although I’ll admit that recently I have worried I’m foolish for being a dreamer, I’m back to being happy for my dreams and where they’ve taken me, even with the struggles.
Now I’m sitting here writing this all down on a crisp Monday morning as fog pours in through the double doors in the living room. I think I’ll have some Chinese food before I set out to pursue these awakening dreams (and make a new resume! It’s been a while…)