This weekend we went to a wedding, a surf contest for the kids I coach and a film festival. The film festival I wanted my movie to be in, to be specific. And you know what? It wasn’t all that bad. I mean, I was still sort of feeling sorry for myself in the car as we drove there, sitting silently in the passenger seat playing somber songs like “Stacks” by Bon Iver, but the important thing is, I put on a pink dress and a (half) smile and we went. I just knew I needed to, if only to prove to myself that I could.
Truthfully, I kind of wanted it to be over as soon as we arrived and I think it’s because I still have some growing to do in this area as a person (not taking things personally, letting stuff go…). It was hard knowing how cool it would have been if my film had been shown too (I mean, check out this venue. A surfboard ceiling? It’s just…awesome!). But! I can say it was a good experience.
Some of the other films shown will stay with me. There was a really funny one about surfers from New York that gave me a different perspective on surfing and its own subcultures. None of the women in it had blonde hair or wore flip flops or clothing with recognizable surf logos.They had their own surf image that was unique to their city surroundings. One of these ladies even admitted she needed to see a therapist because of surf addiction! I never knew therapists would even know what to say about something like that.
A part of me really felt they should have shown my film (hey, you have to root for yourself!) and that was hard to swallow, but I like moments like this that really amplify your feelings, even when they aren’t your happiest. Most Saturday nights I’m not attending film festivals that didn’t accept my work and doing so brought about feelings I hadn’t felt before. If you ask me, any experience that allows you to feel something you haven’t felt before is worthwhile. In the least, these moments help you grow as a person and know yourself better.